


In the Bedroom Down the Hall

by Justice237



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Ending to the Show, Angst, Cynthia Murphy Tries, Dead Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Dead Evan Hansen, Evan dies au, Gen, Ghost Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Ghost Evan Hansen, Heidi Hansen Tries, I only feel bad for hurting Jared, I'm Sorry, In The Bedroom Down The Hall, My First AO3 Post, Post-Song: Words Fail (Dear Evan Hansen), Sad Ending, Screenplay/Script Format, So much angst, Song: So Big/So Small, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, implied funeral, no i'm not, they only appear as ghosts for like 30 seconds, tried to rewrite so big/so small, very bad at tagging, very minor reference to a little bit of light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25108744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justice237/pseuds/Justice237
Summary: What if, just maybe, Evan decided he didn't deserve to be found?Or - an alternate, very sad ending to the show, written in script format because that's how I imagined it.
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Heidi Hansen, Heidi Hansen & Cynthia Murphy, Heidi Hansen & Jared Kleinman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	In the Bedroom Down the Hall

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and howdy, my beautiful fan-sens, welcome to my first fic on AO3! Just an idea I had that's been bouncing around my head for a while since I got into the show and listened to all the cut songs. I decided to write it in script format, sticking as close as possible to the style of the official libretto while also conveying how I saw it in my head, i.e. how they would choose to portray this if they'd decided to go this route. 
> 
> Warning: you might need tissues.

**Scene 1: [Int. Road]**

_(The screen at the back of the stage shows a projected image of a dark road at night. There are no streetlamps at all. The meagre moonlight is the only thing providing some level of visibility, but it's barely enough. Evan Hansen enters stage left, each step slow and deliberate, his posture uncharacteristically straight. A weight has been lifted from his shoulders, but his expression is completely blank, numb. He stops a short way from centre stage.)_

EVAN: _(Slowly and deliberately, even though there's nobody around to hear him)_ Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day, and here's why. Because today, at least, you're finally you. No more hiding, no more lying, just you. That's all you have. All that you're left with.

_(Evan takes the last few steps towards the centre of the stage and sits down. His shoulders slump again briefly before he tries to perk up with faux-optimism.)_

EVAN: _(rambling at first out of habit but slowing down more and more as his terrible weight descends on him again)_ Maybe, someday, everything that's happened ... maybe it will all feel like a distant memory. Maybe, someday, no one will even remember about The Connor Project. Or me.

_(Two distant headlights appear behind Evan. growing ever closer as his final monologue continues)_

Maybe, someday, some other kid will be out here, feeling ... so alone. Wondering if maybe the world might look different from higher up. Better. And then maybe he'll start climbing once branch at a time, trying to get a better view, but then, just before it gets too high for him to come back down again safely, where he would have no choice but to just ... let go ... he'll stop, and climb back down again because he'll realise that it just ... isn't worth it. Not compared to what he already has on the ground. He'll land safely and ... keep going.

_(The car is mere metres behind Evan. He doesn't move out of the way. He raises his head somewhat as if seeing something interesting in the sky.)_

He'll keep going until he sees the sun.

_(The car's headlights brighten to blinding levels, taking up the entire projection, before ... CRASH. The stage blackens almost immediately.)_

**Scene 2: [Int. Evan's room]**

_(Heidi is sitting on Evan's bed, wearing a black dress and looking around at the sparse furnishings as if she can somehow find him again if she looks hard enough. Her face is deeply haggard, her hair unkempt. She talks as if Evan is still there to hear her.)_

HEIDI: I read that note. The one that Connor Murphy ... it was all over everyone's Facebook. "Dear Evan Hansen." You wrote it, didn't you?

_(Beat)_

I didn't know. I didn't know that you ... that you were ... hurting. Like that. That you felt so ... I didn't know. _(voice cracking)_ How did I not know? You shouldn't have had to ... I shouldn't have had to find it from ...

_(She trails off, knowing she'll break if she continues. Her eyes fall on Evan's lone cast sitting on his bedside table, long since sawed off. The crack cuts through the scrawled CONNOR. She picks it up and joins the severed parts back together, so the name is whole again.)_

I know now. Last summer, what you did ... tried to do. I know _you_ , Evan, and I love you. 

_(She sets the cast back down. It's next to a small framed photograph. She picks it up and looks at it next, tracing her thumb over the glass.)_

Your dad ... do you remember the day he drove by to get his things?

_(Beat)_

It was a few weeks after he moved out. "Temporarily," we said ...

**SO BIG/SO SMALL**

HEIDI

_It was a February day_

_When your dad came by, before going away_

_A U-Haul truck in the driveway_

_The day it was suddenly real_

_I told you not to come outside_

_But you saw that truck, and you smiled so wide_

_A real live truck in your driveway_

_We let you sit behind the wheel_

_Goodbye, goodbye_

_Now it's just me and my little guy_

_And the house felt so big_

_And I felt so small_

_The house felt so big_

_And I felt so small_

_(She puts the photo down, stands up and walks around the bed, placing her hand on the headboard, looking down at the pillow as if Evan's head is lying on it)_

_That night, I tucked you into bed_

_I will never forget how you sat up and said:_

_"Is there another truck coming to our driveway?_

_A truck that will take mommy away?"_

_And the house felt so big_

_And I felt so small_

_The house felt so big_

_And I ..._

_And I knew there would be moments that I'd miss_

_And I knew there would be space I couldn't fill_

_And I knew I'd come up short a billion different ways_

_And I did!_

_And you tried,_

_Tried, until ..._

_'Til, like that February day,_

_My darling guy has gone, you just slipped away._

_Though I promised you, "I'll always stay._

_Your mom isn't going anywhere,_

_Your mom is staying right here."_

_But your mom was going everywhere,_

_When I should've been right here._

_In the end,_

_I wasn't here._

_When it all felt so big,_

_And you felt so small._

_Now the house feels so big,_

_And I feel so small._

_Now we all feel too small._

_(Beat. A knock at the door. Jared enters wearing a black suit and tie, jacket unbuttoned. Even so, it looks too stiff and neat for Jared. Equally unfitting is the deeply aged look in his eyes.)_

JARED: Heidi?

_(She looks up at him and they stare at each other for a beat, before she gets up and wraps her arms around him. He clings back just as tightly.)_

JARED: Ready?

_(Heidi breaks away, nodding before they both exit stage right. Cut to black)_

**Scene 3: [Int. Evan and Connor's rooms]**

_(The set has shifted so that Evan's bed is tucked further off to the side rather than centre stage. The spotlight over it is off, the only light is illuminating another bed shown on the other side, completely stripped down to its mattress. A few cardboard boxes sit around and on it, along with miscellaneous items, mostly books and clothes. A child-sized Spiderman costume is seen hanging out of one of the boxes. A maroon sweater lies sprawled out on the bed, right in the middle.)_

_(Cynthia enters and starts absently examining a few items before her eyes fall on the sweater. She picks it up as gently as if it were Connor himself.)_

**IN THE BEDROOM DOWN THE HALL**

CYNTHIA

_You never liked this sweater._

_You said it never really fit you right_

_And it itched too much._

_But I think I'll keep it,_

_I should keep it._

_Cause it still makes me think of you_

_And that little boy I knew_

_In the bedroom down the hall._

_(The spotlight over her dims and another one turns on over Evan's bed. Heidi enters the opposite direction Cynthia did. She stays standing, her eyes and mind off somewhere else.)_

HEIDI

_In the bedroom down the hall,_

_I got your Ninja Turtle night-lights for protection._

_You used to say they kept the bad guys far away._

_Remember?_

_In the bedroom down the hall,_

_I surprised you with that comic book collection._

_Next Halloween,_

_I dressed you up like Wolverine._

_Remember?_

_With glow stars on the ceiling_

_You could count instead of sheep._

_(The panels above her head start glowing with pale green glow stars)_

_I always knew which song to sing_

_To get you right to sleep._

_Anything to make you happy,_

_Anything at all._

_Anything for my boy in the bedroom down the hall._

_(The spotlight dims over her and re-illuminates over Cynthia's side. She stands up and walks around the room, remembering)._

CYNTHIA

_In the bedroom down the hall,_

_We went to battle every evening after dinner._

_I thought I knew some way that I'd get through to you._

_Remember?_

_In the bedroom down the hall,_

_We fought a war where no one walked away a winner_

_'Cause every day you pulled a little more away._

_Remember?_

_Saw the counsellors and the clinics_

_And the cures a mother tries,_

_Cause maybe they could take away that anger in your eyes._

_(Both spotlights are shining now)_

CYNTHIA AND HEIDI

_Anything to make you happy,_

_Anything at all._

_Anything for my boy in the bedroom down the hall._

_(The overhead panels illuminate)_

CYNTHIA

_Though you try_

_(The panels show pre-recorded clips of Evan and Connor above their respective bedrooms, showing clips from throughout the musical. Evan conversing with Heidi at the start of the show, Cynthia cajoling Connor at the dinner table.)_

HEIDI

_You try_

CYNTHIA & HEIDI

_To give your kid the world_

_Give 'em everything you've got_

_(Evan's You Will Be Found Speech, the virality of the Connor Project)_

CYNTHIA

_What if I_

_Gave all I could?_

_And I thought it was enough_

_But I find that_

_It was not_

HEIDI

_What if I_

_Gave all I could?_

_And I thought it was enough_

_It was not_

_(Evan being hit by a car, Connor storming off clutching a pill bottle)_

CYNTHIA

_Did I let you down?_

HEIDI

_What else could I do?_

CYNTHIA & HEIDI

_Everything I ever did_

_I did it all for you_

_(More lights start to come on behind the black mesh nearer the back of the stage. The lights slowly brighten to reveal the obscured forms of Connor and Evan in matching dark grey hoodies. Shoulders slumped, their faces blank with misery.)_

_Anything to make you happy_

_Anything at all_

_Anything for my boy in the bedroom down the hall_

_(The light showing Connor's ghost abruptly turns off. Evan's ghost's spotlight slowly dims out a split-second later, shortly followed by the spotlight on Heidi in his room.)_

CYNTHIA

_In the bedroom down the hall,_

_I think I'll wait another day to pack these boxes_

_'Cause once I'm through,_

_I'm left with just one thing to do ..._

_(Cynthia gets up and makes to leave, the old sweater still tucked under her arm, before turning around to look at the room once more.)_

CYNTHIA

_... remember._

_(She exits._

_The stage lights fade to black.)_

END

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I'm definitely far from the first or last person to consider/write an AU where Evan kills himself after Words Fail, because, let's face it, that song reads like a suicide note and you can never un-hear that once you know it. But I do think that the route they went in the show - with Evan finding the strength to go on with the help of his mother - was the better route. The whole message of the show was that you will be found and you will rise again with the help of your loved ones even when you're at your lowest low. Heidi found Evan and saw how broken he was and promised to always be there for him. If Evan had killed himself, that would slap the whole message right in the face.
> 
> Even so, it would NOT be a far stretch AT ALL to believe that Evan was considering suicide again after/during Words Fail, hence why that scene in the road was inserted into the book that I re-appropriated here.


End file.
